Midnight Milkshakes: Ice Cream And Suicide Vol. II Read online

  Midnight Milkshakes

  Ice Cream And Suicide Vol. II

  By Jack Ray

  Midnight Milkshakes copyright © 2018 by Jack Ray. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America by Amazon. No parts of this book may be reproduced.

  “A mighty flame follows a tiny spark.”

  -Dante Alighieri

  Down The Rabbit Hole

  And it’s with those poems I seduced you

  Lured you in to me

  You couldn’t believe

  Anyone would feel that much for you

  That anyone could say the things I said about you

  How enchanting you were

  How hypnotic

  But now without you

  It’s with these poems I lay you to rest for good

  In a grave marked

  Wash away, never look back, erased from my mind.

  The Night We Met

  We glowed so brilliantly together

  A flame that would never die

  In absence we barely flickered

  Us fireflies in a jar

  Released from one another

  Becoming nothing

  But lonesome sparks in the night.

  Head And Shoulders

  And there were plenty of times

  My love for you was visible on my face

  Especially when I’d talk about everything

  You could do to rule the world

  With nothing but a smile.

  Midnight Milkshakes

  I found peace

  In spending Friday nights alone with you

  Sipping milkshakes at midnight

  Us dreaming about the future

  Visions in each other’s eyes

  With one look you always knew how to get me

  What I wouldn’t give to relive that one last time.

  We Need To Talk

  We sat across each other that night

  Snow fell outside our window

  And our fates became intertwined when you said

  You wanted more

  You didn’t want to settle for the treatment

  Your man was giving you

  You wanted to be a priority

  You wanted to be loved

  And from that night we built our homes

  In each other’s hearts

  I found the greatest life possible in you

  We were happy for the first time

  But for some reason

  You couldn’t wipe the guilt from your hands

  The guilt of us

  So you let me fall

  Rather than live with your decisions

  You built me up

  You lead me on

  Not knowing how much it bothered you

  Until you couldn’t take the heat any longer

  So you sent me to the Furnace in your place

  Without any warning

  And in the fire I’ll burn for you always.

  Those Three Words

  We would spend our mornings in the coffee shop

  Two iced and a blueberry muffin for the lady

  We’d watch the people and laugh in secret

  We’d locked our eyes like we met for the first time

  And I was lucky enough to get this every morning

  I wish you knew

  How badly I felt it then

  I wish you knew

  How much you made my every day

  Over and over again

  I wish you knew

  Before you let it slip away.

  Victorian Era Homes

  There is a time I often think about

  We would walk

  The cold autumn sidewalks together

  And I was balancing the ideas in my head

  Whether I truly loved you and wanted you in

  Or whether I was a fool

  To be played by a taken women

  And I was a fool you see

  Because I didn’t want to believe it

  I wanted you and your love

  And there was simply never anything else

  This world could have tried to stop me

  But it would have been in vain

  I was blinded by you

  And I did fall for you…

  Not realizing that this fall would be something

  I’d never recover from.

  You Really Are A Hopeless Romantic

  Back when you lied to him

  Ignoring his calls

  Feeling that bitterness in your heart toward him

  W E B U R N E D B R I G H T

  You took my hand and showed me

  The possibilities of a world

  In love

  With you

  And I desperately needed that place

  The only dream worth dreaming

  And after fighting with all that I am

  We turned that fantasy into reality

  …But you slowly began to lie to me too

  Over nothing

  You doused the flame

  You hated me for coming into your life

  The way I did

  But I still loved you

  I still believed you when you said

  You wanted it too before it collapsed

  In the end I still gave you reassurance of my love

  I was still affectionate to you

  But you were cold then

  You couldn’t even pretend to miss me

  Pretend to care at all

  You were numb to me

  Even after everything.

  University 101

  What happened to us?

  You used to hug me tight after a long day

  And I would always whisper to you

  How much I never wanted you to let go.

  This Family Dynamic

  The night we met

  How long ago

  We seemed so perfect

  You were my half

  Identical, in nearly every way

  But as time passed

  My infatuation grew into love

  While you stared blank

  And you kept staring

  Hollowed on the inside

  But making me believe we were still in love

  You were like me after all

  Identical, in almost every way

  Well so I thought,

  Until you woke me up in the middle of the night

  To let me know it was over

  To let me know you never loved me

  To tell me to forget and move on

  I never felt this…so how could you?

  I thought we were cut from the same cloth

  How could you forget?

  Change?

  What happened?

  And what did I do wrong?

  Questions I’ll never know the answers to

  Along with any other lies, hidden,

  That made me believe

  You were just like me.

  Mama And Papa

  You were my world

  My lover

  And my best friend

  Now I’m not even allowed to utter your name.

  I Like You A Pretty Decent Amount

  The warmth of your body next to me

  I’ll never know that comfort again

  To think we really had something special

  To be so foolish to fall for you

  It haunts me

  It haunts me when I walk alone

  It haunts me when I dine, alone

  But I think the most painful experience

  It’s seeing you across the room

  And me trying so desperately to catch a glimpse

  I try to fight
you

  But every now and then I’ll look to you

  Hoping to God that you are fighting it too

  That you want to catch a glimpse too

  And that our eyes will meet and say;

  I’m sorry

  I miss you

  Or even a fucking hello

  No, you see

  That shit doesn’t happen

  I look to you

  And you don’t move a muscle

  Stone cold

  It’s as if you hate me for something

  And I don’t know what

  All I ever did was love you

  But you, you act like I’m a dead man walking.

  Immaturity // Frosty

  You were so thankful to have me in your life

  You struggled to imagine

  A day going by without me

  But somehow, someway

  You were still the one to get rid of me.

  10 Gallon

  In the comfort of our home

  We’d watch the fish chase

  Playfully they ran around the tank

  And deep down we knew they loved each other

  After all, they were the only company they had

  Funny how similar we were

  How I always chased you

  How we ran around for what seemed like

  A lifetime

  But you knew I loved you from the beginning

  You were my company and I was yours

  But you left me

  You’ve swam far from me without explanation

  Yet I still chase your ghost

  Still reliving that memory of you

  That love for you

  And in circles I’ll run

  Trying to get you back

  Trying to understand

  Trying to find that lover who ran circles

  In my heart.

  Sent From

  ‘You made my life better’

  Something you said as you shattered my heart

  Obviously not true

  Obviously not good enough

  Maybe I just wasn’t

  And that was something I worried about

  Since even before we took the leap

  You told me not to worry about it

  That I was in fact ‘better than the rest’

  So why leave me

  Why make such a bold remark as

  ‘You made my life better’

  If I truly didn’t

  How could you, with a press of a button,

  Turn my life into a living hell.

  Malebolge

  You wanted it as much as I did

  To give into that evil desire

  To feel our bodies so close and so hot

  To take the plunge into something sinister

  And while you made out with pleasure

  You painted me in blame.

  I Feel Different Now

  And in the last moment we shared

  I told you I loved you

  And in the last moment we shared

  You reminded me you never did

  And in this moment

  I still dream of loving you

  And in this moment

  You remember you never could.

  Studying Chemistry

  And I stop to relive it every time

  Those desires leaking from our tongues

  Yet your shy legs crossed anxious

  Concealing your most precious parts

  In a flash we were already getting down to it

  And it’s hard to forget

  That first time you opened up to me

  Gushing with the thought of me

  The way you dreamed of this moment

  The way I dreamed of this moment

  I was as close to you as I’ll ever be

  Do you remember it like I do?

  How could you forget.

  Keys To Your Car

  And you actually believe that I

  Caused your last relationship to fail

  To think so little of me

  Suppressing how much you wanted it too.

  It’s easy to blame others for your own mistakes.

  Untitled I

  And with all the tears I’ve cried for you

  I hope to drown myself

  Out of existence.

  The Weight On Our Shoulders

  I wish I knew what happened to my beloved

  You’re not her

  You’re not even a cheap knockoff

  You’re cold and full of deception

  But Lord knows

  If I knew my baby was out there

  I’d go to the ends of the earth

  To find her once again.

  Car Wash

  I remember those nights

  The late night drives

  We could talk about anything

  And it was enough

  We were mirror images

  Bonding over the smallest details

  And I can’t help but think about what you said

  One night

  How you told me

  You really made me fall for you…

  God, that was the greatest feeling

  How much impact those words held to me

  It melted my heart away

  Too bad, it was just another lie.

  Untitled II

  Do you still reach for me now that I’ve gone?

  I still reach for you.

  Dressing Rooms

  Crossing paths once more

  While I still have this love for you…

  It’s unfair

  It’s fucked up

  Because I know when you see me

  You feel nothing at all

  And I’m left with the weight of this world.

  Sunday Brunch

  If only I could go back to that coffee shop with you

  One more time

  Nothing was more perfect.

  Can I Ask You A Personal Question?

  How much easier it must have been

  To send that message

  Than look me in the face and say it

  Knowing damn well you couldn’t

  I mean

  I was there when he wasn’t

  And I know you only left me for him.

  The Pickup Lines

  With all the people on this earth

  I choose you

  And if that doesn’t mean anything to you

  I don’t know what does.

  Our Concerts

  Sometimes we’d just sit in the car

  And play music

  I don’t think I’ll ever find something more intimate

  Than those moments with you.

  Official Dates

  Oh how badly I want you to think of me

  And how I know you never do

  Because you never cared about me

  The way I cared about you

  I was just there to take his place

  A substitute if you will

  And on his return I became nothing

  So shut me out while you still can

  Tell me it was only fake feelings

  Push me to that edge once again

  So this time

  I can finally take care of some unfinished business

  With a single pull

  Of the trigger.

  St. Louis No. 2

  Sometimes I keep myself up at night

  Sometimes I listen to sad songs

  Or songs that remind me of you

  Sometimes I make myself cry

  Just to make the pain stay

  And one way or another it stays

  And it carves into my heart

  Sometimes I do this

  Maybe with a pen or rather a blade

  I do this

  Just to know it was real

  Just to know that I can still feel something.

  Untitled III

  I hope who ever finds you next

  Is more prepared to lose you

  Th
an I was.

  Big Dipper

  I told you before we made those moves

  Once we cross this bridge

  We could never return to being

  Just friends

  And that will always hold true

  So don’t come back to me

  Pretending like all you ever wanted

  Was me and you playing house

  But only ever living as friends.

  Will I See You Tomorrow?

  When you look back do you see it?

  How awful you’ve become

  How far from yourself you are now

  Amazing, how quickly you became a stranger

  To the girl I fell in love with

  How different you were back then

  Full of love, smiles, and hope

  What happened to that beautiful young woman

  My best friend

  The one I’d do anything on this earth

  To save.

  Untitled IV

  And with a single breath

  She vanished from my life.

  Baggage Claim

  How many lies did you tell yourself

  How long did you go

  Knowing deep down

  You could never love me

  Forever feeling remorse

  For becoming

  A little more than friendly

  My thoughts; you really wanted me

  Well that’s what you said isn’t it

  But I guess that too

  Was another great lie of yours

  You ended up dealing with the issue